A Year Ago Today

...this happened! The love of my life asked me to marry him! As you can tell by the expression on my face I was definitely surprised and of course said yes! Now we are just a few short weeks away from being MARRIED. My how time flies! The anniversary of our engagement is probably not one we'll always remember, but for this first year just a short while from our wedding day, I wanted to look back on that amazing day :) Thank you kochanie, can't wait to spend my forever with you ♥


 Photo via our sneaky, co-conspirators Mr. & Mrs. Stachowiak :) 

Words To Live By

Image via embracingtwentysomething.typepad.com

Just Because

 

♥

Photo by Delbarr Moradi

Marrying Your Best Friend

"Umm you like what??"

After reading this post on A Practical Wedding, I got to thinking. Do we really marry our best friends? In the post, the author writes how her and her now-husband don't think of one another as best friends, but simply as husband and wife. In fact, she even writes that if they weren't married they probably wouldn't even be friends! You often hear the saying "I married my best friend" and her post strikes a nerve in a sensitive area.

When I first met my now fiancé I thought we were the same person. In fact, I even wrote to some friends how he was "the male version of me" haha. It was amazing how much we had in common, all the topics we could talk about, etc, etc. Fast forward to the present and I realize how different we are.

I love to read. Love, love, love to read. In 8th grade I read more than 150 books during the school year. (And not just the easy stuff, War and Peace, Anna Karenina..yes I was a dork ;)  His one completed book in recent years is The 4-Hour Workweek. I'm a music lover, but especially love hip-hop, reggae, rap, etc., whereas his most enjoyable tunes fall into the euro-style, techno category. I love to eat. I'll try pretty much anything you put in front of me and am always open to sampling unique cuisine. Whereas Patryk prefers his rotating repertoire of favorite meals and cringes at the thought of trying something new. We have different political views, different tastes in design and furnishings, and other things on which we "agree to disagree."

But as the author points out, differences in music and food are peanuts if you share the same core values and morals in which you want to begin your family unit. It is this type of heavy stuff that will determine the success of your marriage, not who likes to eat this or that. This is definitely the case for us. We share the same beliefs, values and have common goals that we want to achieve as a married couple. We have plans for our future about the way we want to raise our children, who will manage what in our household and most of all the type of life we want to build for ourselves. However, despite all our differences I do think my fiancé is my best friend; he's my closest confidant, my biggest supporter and the person I turn to for pretty much everything. That being said, I think it's our differences that make us who we are, and give a zest to our relationship that wouldn't be there if we were exactly the same person. Just imagine what a boring life that would be ;)


Photo via Jason+Anna Photography

Bridging the Cultural Gap

As an immigrant, growing up there have been many times that I haven't understood certain American traditions or sayings. (Still can never remember the difference in the use of borrow vs. lend. Or remember I'm standing in line not on line. And I call myself a writer ha!)

But for my parents, who were born and raised in Poland and spent their entire adult lives there, this can be even more difficult. This issue has come up for us several times during wedding planning. Though my fiancé and I are planning a wedding that is big on Polish culture and traditions, there are definitely some American customs that we've decided to incorporate into our big day. For example, in Poland the bride and groom normally walk into their ceremony together, whereas in America the tried-and-true tradition is the father walking the bride down the aisle. (I've opted for the American way of having my dad walk me down.)

Another area that has come under scrutiny during our wedding planning is all the pre-wedding activities that go on for the bride, i.e. bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. My mom is having a hard time understanding the whole concept of the shower. What is the point exactly? Why do you do it this way vs. that way? How should it even look like? etc, etc. And there's also the father-daughter dance, mother-son dance, flower girls and ring bearers, rehearsal dinner, registries and even the concept of a bridal party (you only have two witnesses in Poland) to add to the list of things that has been thrown their way to wrap their heads around. Just as we've learned a lot throughout this planning process so have our parents, and bless their hearts for being open and understanding to all this new information. My mom has even joked that she should write a book for other immigrant parents planning weddings in the U.S. I think it's a great idea!

Thank goodness we're having a 13-month engagement because it gives us plenty of time to prepare and learn all this stuff along the way :) Kudos to our parentals for being such good students of the American wedding traditions, it will be a breeze for the rest of our siblings!

The Name Change - A New Life as Mrs. G

Along with all the choices you have to make when you decide to get married, changing your name is yet another one. There are tons of options out there today. You can change your name to your husband's, you can keep your name as is, you can hyphenate and combine both your names, you can both change your name altogether or your husband can change his name to yours! (Pretty cool dude in my book.) Luckily, there are many options for those that wish to change their name, whole websites have even sprung up streamlining the fairly complicated process for you! (missnowmrs.com).

However, sometimes the decision to change your name can be a challenging one. Maybe you love your name and simply don't want to change it. Maybe the thought of having a new identity and a new name is just too strange of an option for you. Or maybe you want to keep your name for professional reasons. Every person's reasoning is different.

The whole name-change conversations bring back some old memories when back in our elementary school days we'd doodle on our notebooks with the last name of whatever crush we had at the moment. (C'mon ladies you know you did this! hehe) For me, it was definitely Mrs. DiCaprio (I had an ahem slight obsession with Leo to say the least.) You would imagine your life together and potential children's names that would go well with your new last name. Well fast forward about 15 years and this is the reality I'm facing as I get ready to embark on my life as a married woman. I was raised in a traditional home where my mom took my dad's last name and everyone around me was in the same situation. So for me, though I certainly support feminism and a woman's right to make her name-changing decision, the traditional route is what I opted for. This certainly wasn't a decision I made overnight but I can say that for me and my future husband, this option works best.

I had many personal reasons for doing this. For one, I like the fact that my husband and I would share a name and we'd be taking the first steps in building our baby family. And number two, my name is long as hell. Like longer than the alphabet, 30-letters, mostly-consonants-long. (It's Katarzyna Agnieszka Marciszewska, I wasn't kidding lol) Needless to say, as much as I love my name I am looking forward to paring it down a little. Patryk's last name still isn't the easiest to pronounce for people, but it's certainly easier than mine!

I'm still unsure how I'll handle the professional transition (as a writer your name is everything) but I do plan on embracing my new identity. It will be a bit weird at first but after speaking to women who have been married for many years, they laugh and say sometimes they forget their maiden names. As all these other aspects of my life change in married life, this will simply be another one to add to the list. Here's to my future as Mrs. Grobelny! :)

Weekend Retreat - Marriage Prep Style

This past weekend my fiancé and I took part in a marriage preparation retreat. The retreat was a prerequisite to get married in our church, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise. I had always planned on doing some form of premarital counseling and this ended up being a great experience. Though our retreat was faith-based, it wasn't overwhelming and really focused more on the various issues your marriage is bound to face, from day-to-day problems to serious, deep-rooted issues you have to talk through with your partner.

I can't emphasize enough how much I recommend couples do some sort of premarital counseling. It doesn't matter where you do it, just do it! As one couple at the retreat pointed out, when is the last time you devoted an entire weekend to just TALKING with your partner? If you're like most of us, probably never. With the constant buzz of everyday life it's hard to dedicate that much time to one another. However, at the retreat with no distractions of TV or internet, we were able to delve into discussion head on and give each topic the appropriate amount of time it deserved.

Even a couple who had been together for more than 10 years told us that the retreat was an eye-opening experience. Sure, if you've decided to get married hopefully you've talked about the big things like kids, jobs, etc. But what about all the finer points of that and your true feelings about them? Especially as engaged couples get wrapped up in wedding planning it's easy to gloss over these issues and hope that they work themselves out post-wedding. Alas as Kim Kardashian taught all of us, that is clearly not a good way to go.

It was really nice to spend time with couples who are going through the same things we are and hear their thoughts regarding love and marriage. Our retreat was led by a husband and wife who had 36 years of marriage under their belt, so needless to say their insights were very helpful! We discussed all sorts of issues and then had intimate one-on-one discussion with our partners. All in all, it was truly a fantastic experience and a great reminder of what the goal of marriage is, a nice thing to keep at the forefront during all this wedding planning madness. ♥


Another photo courtesy of the awesome Delbarr Moradi

Feeling Wedding Planning/Engagement Nostalgia

I can't believe I'm actually saying those words, but I think I'm going to miss wedding planning. Well, maybe not so much wedding planning but rather this really unique time in my life when I get to be engaged and have someone call me their fiancée and when I get to prepare to vow to spend the rest of my life with someone.

It's no surprise that these feelings have surfaced after my fiancé and I attended a marriage preparation weekend retreat. I'll definitely be posting on that in the future (highly recommend this for ALL couples, regardless of how long you've been together you'd be surprised the topics that you haven't discussed or not in enough depth.) But when it comes to wedding planning, I've been focusing on all the negatives that go along with it while forgetting that this is a time in my life I'll never get back, and I may look back on it wishing I'd taken the time to soak it in and appreciate everything.

So my promise to myself from this day forward is to enjoy this time and remember that everything we do is a memory in the making. One of the reasons I blogged about this experience in the first place was to have an account of everything and remember how I felt throughout this whole process. So here's to being a Ms. for a few more months and enjoying saying fiancé the fancy way ;)


Photo courtesy of Delbarr Moradi from our recent engagement session :)

Wedding Invitation Envy

Wow, is all I have to say after looking at these SELF-MADE, DIY wedding invites. That deserves all caps, I mean seriously?! And more importantly total cost was around $200. They are truly impressive. If I were having a destination wedding and was really, really, really ambitious I just might try to swing something like this. Instead, I will sit and weep. Find the exact details from the talented bride & groom that pulled this off here. And take a peek:

 

Images via weddingbee.com

Polish Wedding Traditions

I've mentioned some tips about the must-haves for a big, fat Polish wedding in this post and additional ones here, here and here. But it seems I am constantly learning about different Polish wedding traditions and their meanings.

Thanks to some Polish friends of ours I recently found out that the bread, salt and vodka ceremony (earlier I thought it was wine, apparently in Poland it is straight vodka) has an additional meaning  behind it. During this tradition, the bride and groom are presented with a loaf of bread and salt from their parents as well as shot glasses full of vodka. What I didn't know is that out of the intended two glasses for the bride and groom, one glass is filled with vodka and the other is filled with water. According to my sources, the person who picks up the vodka-filled glass and downs it with a straight face symbolizes that that person will be the strong one in the marriage. Interesting little tidbit. Have any of you heard this before? I love that there are so many traditions to a wedding and many meanings behind all of them. I for one, am terrified of picking the one full of vodka because I highly doubt I'll be able to keep it together and not make a face. I'm actually more terrified of me spitting out a mouthful of vodka onto two unhappy sets of parents and a stunned new husband. Haha can you imagine? Oh dear maybe I'll just pre-plan mine to be the water one and take the safe choice...

Imaga via thedailygreen.com

Disco Polo Fridays: Girl You Know It's True

Thankful

for this ♥

Photo via the amazing Jason + Anna Photography. Much more to come! 

When Your Family Hates Your Venue...

So wedding planning is tricky. Yes, the wedding is about the couple that's getting married but there are also loads of family members that want to interject their opinions into everything. So what happens when your parents* dislike the venue you've chosen?? I know, I know, this is my fault for planning a big, fat Polish wedding, right? Well maybe or maybe not. Either way, it sucks to hear that the venue you and your man have booked and love isn't a fan favorite among the rentals. It was hard hearing their not-so-approving opinions but in the end it only brought me and my fiancé closer together. After some gentle negotiations and polite head nodding (alright I'll admit and tears shed) we came to a semi-peaceful truce. One that did not require a venue change. We explained our vision to them and helped them understand what we had in mind. In the end, I realize that our families only want the best for our wedding day (even though sometimes they have a funny way of showing it ahem) and I know it'll all work out. Sometimes you just need to go through some of this crappy stuff to be even more grateful for the awesomeness that awaits your future married life :) And c'mon it wouldn't be a wedding without some drama right?! haha


*Editor's Note:* My dad liked the venue from the start, he's pretty awesome.

Polish Wedding Survival Guide

So I've previously written about what to expect at Polish weddings here, here and here. But alas there is always more to learn! During my research of Polish weddings, I've come across some other interesting points. While perusing the Polandian blog, I came across these gems :) 

The disappearing bride and groom
You’ve survived the sitting, standing and kneeling business. Everything seems to be over and the newlywed couple are advancing back up the aisle towards the doors. You’re already loosening your belt in anticipation of the coming revelries when suddenly the bride and groom take a sharp left turn and disappear into some hitherto unnoticed wing of the church. What to do? Is there some special exit for newlyweds? Is something else tedious and detrimental to your buttocks going on? Panic not. More than likely they’ve nipped into a side chapel or nook to pay their respects to the local holy painting or finger bone of Saint Tibulus. They wont be long.

And another great one:

The vodka situation
Vodka is a big deal at Polish weddings. Talk of who is going to buy the vodka and where they are going to get it begins at least six months before people start considering less significant details such as wedding dresses or who to marry. Presumably there was a time when vodka was in short supply or had to be manufactured in the woods because, as far as I can see, the entire problem can me solved in a ten minute trip to the local supermarket. However, I digress.
Assuming the vodka is there and, to be honest, the wedding would have been canceled if it wasn’t there are a few things you should know. Vodka is only drunk collectively. Glasses are filled, somebody proposes a toast, vodka is drunk, and glasses are refilled in readiness for the next toast. There’s no casual solitary sipping. It’s all or nothing every time. Sometimes it will be a special wedding vodka prepared according to a traditional recipe known only to 84-year-old uncle Bogdan. These are often sweet and pleasant tasting but can still kill an elephant at 20 paces. Do not be tempted to fill in the time between toasts with a beer or a glass of wine, that way lies very messy but dimly recalled madness.

Check out the whole post here:
15 things you need to know about Polish weddings – the survival guide 

Image via myopera.com 

Polish Wedding Date Myths

When we first started planning a wedding, choosing a date turned out to be a little tricky, for various reasons. Apparently the Polish culture has some urban myths regarding days and months that you should get married on.

It's said to be bad luck to get married in a month that does not include the letter "r" in it. For example, May in Polish is spelled Maj, hence it's one of those unlucky months.
Now clearly, these are pretty much old wives tales, my own parents were married in May and recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary so take that you myth believers!

The day of the week that you get married on also supposedly has some significance. I found this interesting tidbit on a fellow Polish wedding blog:

Monday (Poniedziałek - p'ony'ej'aw'ek) - it is believed to bring to couple health.
Tuesday (Wtorek - ft'or'ek) - couples married on that day of the week will be wealthy.
Wednesday (środa - shr'od'a) - brings general luck in life.
Thursday (Czwartek - chv'art'ek) - financial trouble.
Friday (Piątek - p'eeo(n)t'ek) - worries and pain.
Saturday (Sobota - s'ob'ot'a)- general happiness with a little bit of trouble here and there.
Sunday (Niedziele - ny'ej'el'a) - happiness in marriage.

Hmm, too bad I didn't find out about this until after we'd chosen our Saturday date in June. (According to this info, we're pretty much in the clear with just a bit of trouble hehe) If all these myths were indeed true, I'd probably go with Tuesday or Wednesday, luck and wealth?! Not a bad combo jk ;)

Love sweet Love

So we're a few months into our wedding planning now and things have been moving along (fairly) smoothly. However, it was another couple that had some big news to share this past weekend. Labor Day festivities brought a pleasant surprise when I found out another one of my friends had gotten engaged!!
I'm so excited for her and her fiancé and wish them all the best on their journey together! This upcoming year will be a really exciting time for all of us and it's great that we can go through this craziness together. Love certainly is a powerful thing and I think happy married couples will be the greatest end result you can ask for :)




Image via layoutsparks.com

the things that really matter

A compilation of some great advice I've picked up from real brides and my own thoughts on keeping perspective during wedding planning.

Remember...

Just marry the one you love, all the rest doesn't matter

Plan for the marriage not the wedding! 

Things WILL go wrong and it's OK
Don't sweat the small stuff

No really, don't sweat the small stuff

At the end of the day, don't stress about making everyone happy,
just BE happy

Relax, smile & drink wine

Resolve to be content

Don't focus on the wedding but rather on the life you'll share together
Stop worrying, everything WILL be OK because you're marrying the one you love ♥