Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

You've heard me say this before, but it's such an important point that I have to highlight it yet again. Throughout the planning process you are going to have to make a lot decisions. From your wedding date, to your venue, your dress and everything in between. Unless you're a professional planner or have been in many weddings before, the process will be a totally new, unlike-anything-you've-ever-done-before experience. So there is a pretty big learning curve. I can't believe the kind of stuff I'm now practically a pro about that I didn't even know existed a few months ago. (It's actually kind of ridiculous, what the hell am I gonna do with this knowledge once I get married?? lol) As you near the tail end of your planning like I am, (6 weeks to go eek!!) it's hard not to look back and think of things you should have, could have or would have done differently. But alas, the past is the past and what's done is done. I had several moments when I wished I'd made a different decision, and if you asked me several months ago what I thought my wedding would look like, I'm sure the picture I painted would be very different than the reality. But in moments of regret, I simply swallowed my pride and realized that there was NO WAY to predict certain things that came up. How was I to know I'd find a cheaper vendor a few weeks after signing a contract and paying a hefty deposit on one? Sure, I could waste time beating myself up about not researching enough, and yada yada but what's the point? Realize that there will always be things that come up. When you're in the moment, in the throes of the madness that is wedding planning you just have to go with your gut (and of course your budget) and make the best decisions you can at that time. Instead of looking back and wishing you'd done this or that, focus on the PRESENT and the upcoming wedding and more importantly life that you'll share with the one you love.


Image via evvangeline.deviantart.com

Feeling Wedding Planning/Engagement Nostalgia

I can't believe I'm actually saying those words, but I think I'm going to miss wedding planning. Well, maybe not so much wedding planning but rather this really unique time in my life when I get to be engaged and have someone call me their fiancée and when I get to prepare to vow to spend the rest of my life with someone.

It's no surprise that these feelings have surfaced after my fiancé and I attended a marriage preparation weekend retreat. I'll definitely be posting on that in the future (highly recommend this for ALL couples, regardless of how long you've been together you'd be surprised the topics that you haven't discussed or not in enough depth.) But when it comes to wedding planning, I've been focusing on all the negatives that go along with it while forgetting that this is a time in my life I'll never get back, and I may look back on it wishing I'd taken the time to soak it in and appreciate everything.

So my promise to myself from this day forward is to enjoy this time and remember that everything we do is a memory in the making. One of the reasons I blogged about this experience in the first place was to have an account of everything and remember how I felt throughout this whole process. So here's to being a Ms. for a few more months and enjoying saying fiancé the fancy way ;)


Photo courtesy of Delbarr Moradi from our recent engagement session :)

The Wedding Planning Book to End All Wedding Planning Books

Early into the planning process I stumbled upon A Practical Wedding, a wedding blog that differed from any other. And I'm so glad I did. You will be too once you read it. It offered a refreshing, down-to-earth perspective on wedding planning and marriage in general. Not surprisingly, the blog evolved and its creator Meg Keene recently published a book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration.

I wasn't planning on reading any wedding planning books nor am I planning on reading any more but thank goodness I read this one! You know the feeling when you're reading a book and you can't help but talk during the process? Well that's what reading this book was like for me. Kind of like this:

"Oh my god yes! I totally agree!"
"I thought I was the only one that thought that! It's so nice to hear I'm not crazy!"
"Seriously, who the hell cares about the effin' chairs?!"

Basically, Meg took a very unique approach when it came to writing a book about wedding planning: She was actually NORMAL about it. As in, she reminds us all that the whole point of planning a wedding is the getting married part, not the part about how great your reception is or what your centerpieces look like. So if you are a clueless yet sane bride wanting to plan a meaningful celebration, read this book ASAP. She gets down to the nitty gritty and helps you figure out where to start in an easy-to-understand step-by-step process.

Thanks to movies and media, the prelude to the wedding planning process — the proposal itself — has been exaggerated to such great lengths that it has made most of us forget the point of it all. Meg's insightful and empowering words shatter the typical stereotype.  I absolutely LOVED the quote from the book discussing this topic:

"It's exciting to decide to get married. And scary. But the moment of the proposal is just that: a moment. It moves you to the next step of the process; it's not the be-all, end-all. So maybe you have a fancy candlelight dinner followed by parachutists delivering you a pear-shaped, seven-carat diamond. Or maybe you decide to get married one Sunday morning over the newspaper and a cup of coffee. Either way is fine. The point is that you decided to spend your life with someone you love."

And that ladies and gentlemen is just a small piece of the wisdom you'll find in this book. Another favorite tidbit of mine featured in the book: the genius and oh-so-true tips from Kayce Hazelgrove of shinyprettybits.com and foodiewashere.com titled "The Six Stages of Wedding Planning." Kayce takes you through the various stages of emotional highs and lows of planning a wedding. 

My favorite was #4: OUTRAGE/DEPRESSION: "WHAT THE EFF" "EFF ME"

"This stage is marked by feelings of bitterness and frustration. You may feel as though you are failing in some way. This can cause you to swing between feeling angry over all the expectations being placed on you and despondent over your inability to live up. You may find yourself resenting others with friends and family who own a barn, can DJ, or have the enviable ability to craft masterpieces out of bits of random fabric and paper." 

Now I'm not sure if any of you guys planning a wedding out there have felt this way, but I certainly have and reading this book was a nice affirmation of 1) I'm not a crazy person and 2) knowing that it can be done in a sane and gasp! maybe even fun way. As Megan of notmartha.org puts it:

"It’s like having a very cool older sister who went through all this already to help guide you on what is and what isn’t important."

I couldn't have said it better myself. Buy this book and read it now. You'll be thankful you did.



P.S. Listen to Meg's interview discussing the book on NPR's Talk of the Nation here.

Polish Wedding Traditions

I've mentioned some tips about the must-haves for a big, fat Polish wedding in this post and additional ones here, here and here. But it seems I am constantly learning about different Polish wedding traditions and their meanings.

Thanks to some Polish friends of ours I recently found out that the bread, salt and vodka ceremony (earlier I thought it was wine, apparently in Poland it is straight vodka) has an additional meaning  behind it. During this tradition, the bride and groom are presented with a loaf of bread and salt from their parents as well as shot glasses full of vodka. What I didn't know is that out of the intended two glasses for the bride and groom, one glass is filled with vodka and the other is filled with water. According to my sources, the person who picks up the vodka-filled glass and downs it with a straight face symbolizes that that person will be the strong one in the marriage. Interesting little tidbit. Have any of you heard this before? I love that there are so many traditions to a wedding and many meanings behind all of them. I for one, am terrified of picking the one full of vodka because I highly doubt I'll be able to keep it together and not make a face. I'm actually more terrified of me spitting out a mouthful of vodka onto two unhappy sets of parents and a stunned new husband. Haha can you imagine? Oh dear maybe I'll just pre-plan mine to be the water one and take the safe choice...

Imaga via thedailygreen.com

Tips For The Lazy, Unorganized Bride

So I'm not the most organized person. Sure, I like to keep things clean in my home but when it comes to organizing stuff like documents and bills, hmm not so much. Which probably explains why planning a wedding has been so damn hard for me. It's all about organizing. You have to remember which vendor you paid, which you didn't, who all your vendors are, contact info, timelines, etc, etc, etc. You get my drift. Needless to say here's a few tips I've gathered for my fellow lazy, unorganized, not talented at planning brides.

1) Set up a separate email to handle all wedding inquiries. I don't know what your inbox looks like, but mine is a hot mess. I made a lame attempt at folders on my gmail to try to separate things out but those only work if you remember to label them. Oops. Needless to say, now when I have to find a wedding-related email, I frantically search with keywords through my email. Not the best plan. Oh and to top it off, I started using my other email for wedding stuff thinking it would help to have some things separated. Umm, it does not. Now I have to search through two emails instead of one when trying to find something. Bottom line, if you suck at keeping your inbox clean, set up a new email. Yea, it's kind of cheesy but whatever, name it something easy and send all your wedding-related info there. You'll be thankful you did.

2) Try to do things right away. This may sound obvious but if remembering small details isn't one of your strong suits then make sure as soon as things come up, you take care of them in a fairly timely manner. Failing that, remind yourself in highlighted & bold font, email, text and maybe even set up a voice reminder for yourself to do these things. I spaced on following up with some vendors and they ended up falling through because they'd already booked with someone else. Not doing things fairly fast simply adds to the big pile of crap that you already have, therein, try to tackle the small & big stuff.

3) Pawn things off on the fiancé whenever possible. Enough said here. Simply bribe, sweet talk or simply force your partner to take care of crap when you can't take care of it or simply don't feel like doing it.

4) Hire a pro. If you can afford it, hire someone to do all this for you!! (Sigh) If that doesn't fit in your budget, make a beeline to the most organized person in your life. (Don't we all wish Monica from Friends existed in real life?) Beg and plead for their help. Then pray they accept your plea.

5) If all else fails, elope. No wedding to plan=nothing to organize. Get the deed done and you're off the hook. 


Photo Credit: William Eggleston, Untitled (1975) via Art Blart 
 

A Pretend Pinterest Wedding

Haha love this!

Dealin with the Details

So I've heard that you shouldn't stress too much about the details of a wedding and just focus on the big stuff. Easy enough, except that all a wedding is, is a series of tiny, friggin details. So how am I supposed to not stress about them?? Impossible I say. My way of dealing with it is trying to break things down into manageable chunks, survey the scene and try to make sense of it all. Needless to say, if I could afford to hire someone to take care of it all for me, I would, but alas that's only wishful thinking. So I'm back to the drawing board and taking care of those pesky little details...

you think you know, but you have no idea

When my fiancé and I began the wedding planning process, we were both feeling pretty confident. I mean, I'd been to a few weddings before (in one as a bridesmaid) and he runs his own business, easy peasy right? Wrong! Basically, everything you think you know gets tossed out the window.

There are so many rules, regulations, restrictions, etc., that you hear about that at first it's hard to wrap your head around it all. That said, after a few wedding-related trial runs you do learn which questions to ask, who you should talk to and this, that and the other. But until you do, it feels like this big, complicated process, instead of the fun, happy time you were naively envisioning. 

Or maybe that was just me. I can say that as a newly-minted bride-to-be, I quickly felt overwhelmed by the insane amount of information out there. So on the advice of a very good friend, I stepped back from the craziness, took a couple deep breaths and reminded myself why I was doing this in the first place: to be married to an amazing guy that's why! (cue sappy music and awww's here)