The Must-Have Ingredients for a Big Fat Polish Wedding

I couldn't have a blog with this title and not have a post on the topic now could I? After a very extensive, scientific poll (i.e. a status on Facebook) I have gathered a guideline for the inquisitive Polish engaged couple on how to have a Polish wesele (wedding) of epic proportions. Here are the basics:

1) Vodka

2) Ceremony that will last at least 1.5 hrs in a Roman Catholic Church because clearly the longer the mass, the more legitimized this union will be.

3) Vodka

4) An abundance of disco polo songs as well as ubiquitous tunes like Budka Suflera's "Takie Tango" and the Kayah favorite "Prawy do Lewego." 
5) More disco polo. Think "Jestes Szalona" "Mydelko Fa" and you're on the right track.

6) Bread, salt and wine ceremony. The couples parents present them with rye bread (of course! don't you dare even think about using Wonder Bread or some other poor substitute), representing hope that they'll never go hungry, salt as a reminder that life together will have its difficult moments and wine so they never go thirsty and their lives be filled with health and happiness.

7) Vodka

8) This one is so good I have to quote it directly: "a non Polish, but Polish looking enough guy with a hyphenated Polish last name suffix added on. Ex. Larsonowski." Apply this to all guests who don't have the good fortune of a -ski,-ska, -cz, -sz, -yk, -ak, -ch, -ik, -ko, -ek or some variety of consonant-filled ending in their last names. 

9) Vodka

10) The "money dance." The bride dances with guests while they pin money on her dress to "buy" a dance from her.

11) A slideshow featuring embarrassing photos from your childhood, specifically those of you in your native folklore attire (see above photo, faces have been obscured to protect the identity of my unsuspecting siblings). 
12) Endurance and lots of stamina. This one is very important as guests will be expected to drink, dance and drink some more into the wee hours of the night. By wee hours I mean 6 or 7 am and then do it all again the next day for the poprawiny, the post-wedding celebrations.

Obviously there are many other traditional Polish elements that you can include but I figure this was a pretty good start. And I realize that some of these things are not as prevalent as they once were, but whatever you do, absolutely do not skimp out on numbers 1, 3, 7, and 9!