'nuff said

Photo by Jason&AnnaPhotography

Groom Says

So most wedding blogs out there feature one very prominent voice: the bride's. This one included (ha sorry guys!) The groom is probably the most underserved person in the wedding industry, don't you think? I mean the stereotypical image that we often see of the groom is him agreeing with everything his fiancée says and then showing up the day of the wedding with a huge grin on his face. 

But luckily, I think time's are a-changin' and grooms are getting much more involved in wedding planning. Well, at least my groom is! So without further ado, I'd like to introduce "Groom Says" where I'll give those silent grooms a voice! Starting with the one and only, Patrycjusz. (yes, that is his real name. this is a big, fat polish wedding after all ;)


I decided to do a little Q&A with my future hubz to hear his thoughts on the wedding so far. Now mind you I left this for him to fill out while I'm away so his answers are completely unedited! Enjoy! :) 


K: So, lets talk wedding. What do you think of this whole wedding planning business so far? How do you think I'm handling it all? (hint: amazing)


P: First of all, I never expected the wedding industry to be this big and crazy! So many venues, caterers, options, etc. It's almost too much! It'd make life a lot simpler if there was just one standard option to choose from (yes, I'm being a guy here), but then again, where's the originality that everyone's looking for?!
I won't lie... I'll be happy when everything's all set and there will be nothing left but to enjoy the best day of our lives!
And yes, Amazing would be the word to describe your approach to this wedding business. As someone who's time contricted while running a start up business, I'm usually not as free to put in the time that it takes to do all of the research. Fortunately for me, I have a loving better half that has the patience and desire to search the internet and compile lists of info that we later sort through together, leaving me the top 5 lists for everything. Some of these things never even crossed my mind, yet the Mrs. somehow already has it in her radar. And for that, I thank  you!


K: Why is it important to have a Big, Fat Polish Wedding?

P: For anyone who knows us, and maybe it's me more than the Mrs, I couldn't imagine anything else. I always knew I wanted a Polish wife, and alas I found one. So what better way to celebrate the beginning of our lives together? I mean, short ceremonies, a speech, cake, a few dances and a 10pm departure work for some, but I won't lie... I want to celebrate into the wee hours of the morning, cause after all, ask anyone who's been married and they say that the wedding day flashes by in a second. All I'm trying to do is make that second last a little bit longer. I want our guests to party their butts off, too! Given that we have this opportunity to celebrate a common culture (yes, Disco Polo music included), I can't imagine doing it any other way. Not to forget that our parents will appreciate the Polish accent to the wedding as well. I'm just happy the Mrs. is ok with making it as cheesy Polish as we can make it :)


K: Do you think I'll make a good wife? And is there any hope for my cooking skills?

P: I wouldn't have dated you all these years and gone as far as propose if I didn't think you would be an amazing wife! So in short, YES! Besides, we'll continue growing together through this engagement period like we did in the first few months of dating... learning more about each other, where each other's limits are ( just kidding, I'm always a sweetheart), and finding our niche in the relationship (Kasia is the writer and I'm the geeky math guy). I have NO doubt in my mind that our journey together will be "one hell of a ride." I'm looking forward to finally making it official.  
And I'm totally fine with grilled cheese and protein shakes for now... you can handle that, right?! We can always take some cooking lessons down the road and develop our own tastes as a couple. And if we ever get tired of cooking, we can always stop by mama Grobelna's kitchen for something tasty :)




Till next time folks!


Photo by Geoff White Photography

Taking a breather..

Grand Canyon: my view this week

"That’s it! I’m running away from all this!"

I'm sure many women think this at one point or another during their wedding planning, but who actually does it? Me! OK, not exactly. I'm leaving for a 10-day hiking/camping trek through Arizona and Utah and leaving my lovely fiancé at the helm of My Big Fat Polish Wedding.

But, this got me thinking. I think a “time out” from all the wedding madness is definitely a good thing. Take a weekend trip; relax at home, get a mani/pedi, hit up a dive bar, hell whatever works! But vow not to mention the word “wedding” so that you can give yourself that mental break from all the planning, researching, calculating, etc., that’s been ruling your life. 

You'll be thankful you did :)

I've left some posts for the future hubz to publish and he'll be sharing his thoughts as well. Can't wait to return to technology and read it all!

the things that really matter

A compilation of some great advice I've picked up from real brides and my own thoughts on keeping perspective during wedding planning.

Remember...

Just marry the one you love, all the rest doesn't matter

Plan for the marriage not the wedding! 

Things WILL go wrong and it's OK
Don't sweat the small stuff

No really, don't sweat the small stuff

At the end of the day, don't stress about making everyone happy,
just BE happy

Relax, smile & drink wine

Resolve to be content

Don't focus on the wedding but rather on the life you'll share together
Stop worrying, everything WILL be OK because you're marrying the one you love ♥

burn that checklist!

So when i first got engaged aside from being indescribably happy and excited I had no idea what to do next. (Aside from a burning desire to bust out into Beyonce's "Single Ladies" dance while waving my left hand in the air.) In short, I was a clueless bride. I was definitely not one of those girls who had been dreaming of her wedding since she was six years old and was just waiting to fill in the groom. When you’re planning a wedding, all of a sudden you’re faced with a massive amount of decisions. And the chick that tells you that wedding planning is “easy” and “no big deal” is either:

a) lying to you

b) an event planner in real life

c) fembot

It's probably a combination of a and c. 

But have no fear clueless bride, I’m at your service! Since I'm assuming you’re not a fembot, here’s the clueless girl's guide to wrapping your head around this whole “wedding” business.

the venue hunt is on

I need a venue that will let us do this all night long*

Ahh, the great venue search. You tireless monster that won't let up, how I loathe thee. All the wedding industrial complex people tell you that once you have your venue chosen, everything else just "falls into place." Now that's all fine and dandy, but what if you can't find the damn venue?! 

We had a pretty short answer to what we wanted out of our wedding reception: an awesome (read kick a**) party! That's what! It seems simple enough right? Apparently, the wedding industrial complex people disagree with our interpretation of "awesome party" since they consider 10 pm to be a perfectly normal end time, (I know I know, I was shocked and dismayed as well, I mean 10 pm really?! My grandma parties later than that. Apparently this is due to silly noise ordinance rules, but still. Sigh.) Everyone knows that a big fat Polish wedding needs to go on into the wee hours of the morning!

That quickly narrowed it down to any venue that was willing to accommodate our party-crazy arses till midnight or later. In an attempt to be the perfectly organized wedding planning, bride-to-be (I don't know who I was kidding, clearly that is not me) I suggested a super cool Excel spreadsheet to track all our options. Well 52 rows, what seems like hundreds of Web searches and at least 15 site visits later, we have yet to choose our venue. 

The Wedding Website: Do or Don't?

Considering the fact that this blog is technically about wedding planning, this may seem like a silly question but a piece I read in Slate got my attention. Appropriately titled "I Hate Your Wedding Website" author Noreen Malone takes some digs at couples who take their wedding websites a little too seriously. The article was originally published in March 2010 and references the parody wedding website created for The Office's fictitious couple, Jim and Pam. Their website is still up and hilarious as ever.

Love the line included on their "registry":

Looking forward to seeing you at our wedding (the one that's way over budget)!!

And a peek at their "guestbook":

Pam, you are like a daughter to me, and Jim is like a son. I'm so proud that my son and daughter are to be wed! Tis a thing of beauty! Glory be!!! -Michael Scott

So you see my point. Though Pam & Jim's wedding website isn't real, Malone makes some good arguments about the ridiculous oversharing culture that we live in today. Her last words should probably make me stop this blogging thing altogether:

"I can come to terms with the fact that these sites aren't going anywhere, if the perpetrators can come to terms with the fact that the more baroque they make their creations, the more they're opening what ought to be private and special to the indiscriminate mockery of the World Wide Web—and their future selves."

Or I suppose I can take the risk of "indiscriminate mockery" on the Interweb in exchange for providing the few who read this some laughs?! ;) 


 
Photo courtesy of Jim & Pam's wedding website

Bridal Bootcamp

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to painstakingly plan the detailed operations of THE WEDDING. You must choose your allies wisely, comparing, contrasting and negotiating until you find the best match. You must research and plan and leave no stone unturned, no detail overlooked, to faithfully execute this sacred ritual. 
Finding a fellow bride brings a sense of camaraderie and unity that can only be achieved through the shared experience of planning THE WEDDING. 
We are in this together. 
Like soldiers returning from war, the brides that have made it through to the final stages lead the younger troops during their journey. They share stories, give tips, and leave no bride behind in the trenches.
Experienced bride, I salute you.
You understand for you have been there. You have navigated the perilous waters and dodged the bullets (most of them) and remain unscathed and steadfast in your mission. I admire you, experienced bride, and I wonder will I have the strength?? 

SUPER Original Wedding Idea

Some of the best wedding advice we've gotten so far is to make the wedding very "you". This is definitely an idea that I can get behind, because that's the whole point right? The wedding is meant to be about you and your fiancé, so embracing the moment and making it the best day ever sounds phenomenal to me. Though I'm definitely no expert, I can say this wedding featured on Jagger Photography's blog definitely takes the cake for originality. How much more "you" can you get than superheros and light sabers?? And yes, this is a wedding! Amazing! Hmm...I wonder if I can convince the fiancé to don a cape? ;)

Photos by Jagger Photography

decisions, decisions

So you're engaged, you're excited, you're happy! And then reality sets in when you realize you now have to plan a WEDDING. Deciding to spend the rest of my life with my man was the easy part (love you babe!). Choosing a place where we'd get married on the other hand was an incredibly daunting prospect! 

Let me back up a bit, you see my fiancé and I are from different states. He is a California native while I've bounced around between Poland, NY, NJ, AZ and finally joined him in the Golden State. Per Polish tradition, the marriage usually takes place in the bride's hometown. But where was my hometown? I felt a connection to all the states I lived in for different reasons but didn't feel especially compelled to get married in any of them. And who says you have to follow these traditions anyway? (Your mom does, that's who.) Of course, I forgot to mention the option of getting married in the Motherland itself. No shortage of decisions, that's for sure! 

Bottom line, for couples who are from different cities, states and especially different countries, this can be a tricky decision. For some, it's a no-brainer, for others (like myself) it's a decision you agonize over, rationalizing and comparing one over the other again and again. In the end, I hope wherever we do decide to have our wedding, our family & friends will be there to support and celebrate with us. After all, it's not about where the wedding is taking place but the fact that we're getting married, right?! :)

P.S. Not to worry, we promise an awesome party no matter the destination. I mean, at least that was an easy decision, eesh. 

The Must-Have Ingredients for a Big Fat Polish Wedding

I couldn't have a blog with this title and not have a post on the topic now could I? After a very extensive, scientific poll (i.e. a status on Facebook) I have gathered a guideline for the inquisitive Polish engaged couple on how to have a Polish wesele (wedding) of epic proportions. Here are the basics:

1) Vodka

2) Ceremony that will last at least 1.5 hrs in a Roman Catholic Church because clearly the longer the mass, the more legitimized this union will be.

3) Vodka

4) An abundance of disco polo songs as well as ubiquitous tunes like Budka Suflera's "Takie Tango" and the Kayah favorite "Prawy do Lewego." 
5) More disco polo. Think "Jestes Szalona" "Mydelko Fa" and you're on the right track.

6) Bread, salt and wine ceremony. The couples parents present them with rye bread (of course! don't you dare even think about using Wonder Bread or some other poor substitute), representing hope that they'll never go hungry, salt as a reminder that life together will have its difficult moments and wine so they never go thirsty and their lives be filled with health and happiness.

7) Vodka

8) This one is so good I have to quote it directly: "a non Polish, but Polish looking enough guy with a hyphenated Polish last name suffix added on. Ex. Larsonowski." Apply this to all guests who don't have the good fortune of a -ski,-ska, -cz, -sz, -yk, -ak, -ch, -ik, -ko, -ek or some variety of consonant-filled ending in their last names. 

9) Vodka

10) The "money dance." The bride dances with guests while they pin money on her dress to "buy" a dance from her.

11) A slideshow featuring embarrassing photos from your childhood, specifically those of you in your native folklore attire (see above photo, faces have been obscured to protect the identity of my unsuspecting siblings). 
12) Endurance and lots of stamina. This one is very important as guests will be expected to drink, dance and drink some more into the wee hours of the night. By wee hours I mean 6 or 7 am and then do it all again the next day for the poprawiny, the post-wedding celebrations.

Obviously there are many other traditional Polish elements that you can include but I figure this was a pretty good start. And I realize that some of these things are not as prevalent as they once were, but whatever you do, absolutely do not skimp out on numbers 1, 3, 7, and 9!

Fiancé vs. Fiancée

I've seen both spellings used and still feel the urge to pronounce this with a French accent when I say it out loud, but I digress. So which is correct?

According to writing.com, "Fiancé refers to a male engaged to be married, while fiancée refers to a female engaged to be married." 

This explanation is also listed on these websites:

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/fiance.html

http://www.beedictionary.com/common-errors/fiance_vs_fiancee

And it's noted on a wedding website so clearly it must be true! haha So I guess by referring to my man as fiancée I was wrong, oops! Though I don't have my AP Stylebook handy, from my web searches this info seems to be corroborated so I will henceforth refer to the correct spelling of fiancé (French accent and all.)

Lies, Lies I Tell You!

Ask anybody planning a wedding and most will probably tell you that weddings cost way more than they ever imagined! I sure think so! One of the biggest problems that perpetuate this scenario is the pretty la-la land created by the wedding industry that turns even the most level-headed bride into a pile of mush. 

For this I blame the blogs and magazines that continue to bombard us with images that are really only false advertising! I mean is it that hard to include the couples wedding budget when listing the venue, vendors, etc.? Simply tell us the truth!

I love it when I come across a blog or article that features a wedding and includes the wedding budget (such as this one). It brings authenticity to the event and makes those viewing it better understand the process. Not that there is anything wrong with spending $80K, $100K or whatever amount you feel comfortable with on a wedding. By all means, spend whatever you please! Just kindly let us know you did, so that the rest of us who have less (or more) to spend can have a realistic budget barometer.

you think you know, but you have no idea

When my fiancé and I began the wedding planning process, we were both feeling pretty confident. I mean, I'd been to a few weddings before (in one as a bridesmaid) and he runs his own business, easy peasy right? Wrong! Basically, everything you think you know gets tossed out the window.

There are so many rules, regulations, restrictions, etc., that you hear about that at first it's hard to wrap your head around it all. That said, after a few wedding-related trial runs you do learn which questions to ask, who you should talk to and this, that and the other. But until you do, it feels like this big, complicated process, instead of the fun, happy time you were naively envisioning. 

Or maybe that was just me. I can say that as a newly-minted bride-to-be, I quickly felt overwhelmed by the insane amount of information out there. So on the advice of a very good friend, I stepped back from the craziness, took a couple deep breaths and reminded myself why I was doing this in the first place: to be married to an amazing guy that's why! (cue sappy music and awww's here)

Hello there!

I've decided to start this blog as a way of documenting the crazy, life-changing, time-consuming, money-spending, memory-making time that is known as wedding planning. Now, I know what you're thinking, "aren't there already a million wedding blogs out there?" and the answer is yes, there are. But, during my short time going through this process I've found that most of these blogs (with the exception of an awesome few) though chock-full of pretty pictures, fabulous ideas and more pretty pictures, don't really tell it to you like it is. By that, I mean prices (they're almost always inconspicuously never mentioned!) and realistic expectations for brides & grooms who usually have no idea what they're doing. (And at the very least I'll have documented proof of my crazy bridezilla-ness, I kid, I kid...hopefully! haha)

Enter me, a Polish-American recently engaged Ms. who would like to share the experience in an honest, forthcoming way that will hopefully help other engaged couples navigate these turbulent waters! 

As you can tell by the title of this blog, my future husband and I are planning on having a Big Fat Polish Wedding. Welcome to our wedding planning world!